The big move is in a little over two days. The husband says he’s already starting to feel excited. I, however, am the exact opposite. Maybe it’s because of the gazillion errands and meet ups we have to do. Even the countless dinners with friends don’t really feel like good-bye.
Thank goodness, the husband is getting assigned somewhere near. I won’t have to miss friends and family in Manila too much as we will only be a couple of hours away and we’ll definitely get a ton of visitors all year round. Even family from Europe (though they’ll have to fly for about 12-14 hours direct) are already talking about coming over this year and early next. I’m not even anxious. I should be, right? I SHOULD feel something.
But there’s nothing. No heart thumping, no squealing, no smiling at the thought of flying out this Wednesday and starting out a sort-of-new life with the husband in a new place. It reminds me of our wedding in October. This was exactly how I was. Normal. Normal despite the upcoming life-changing event. While other brides all over the world were screaming, dancing, and getting all giddy just days and hours before their wedding, I was surprisingly calm. I was looking forward to marrying Alvin, the love of my life, and spending the rest of my life with him but somehow, I wasn’t as emotional as how a normal bride should be. On my wedding day, as I walked down the aisle, the dam holding off all my emotions broke and I had a wave of panic attacks (which weren’t that obvious, thank goodness) as several levels of happiness, excitement and a tinge of sadness because I won’t be living with my lola (grandmother) anymore went through my nerves.
I ended up crying during our vows because I was extremely happy and giddy. I know, it’s crazy. Okay, back to present day. It would be very awkward if something similar will happen this Wednesday. Come to think of it, I actually cry a lot in airports. The worst was in 2008 during a short meet-up with my Mom in Schiphol while I was on my way to Tel Aviv. That’s another story. Point is: I hate crying in public though I end up doing that a lot before. I’ve actually gotten pretty good in holding my tears back by now. But I’m really emotional when it comes to my grandparents.
Continue reading
