Afternoon Tea: The Complete Guide

I love me some tea. Even more when it comes with scones, finger sandwiches, and tiny pastries served on elegant, tiered serving stands. Afternoon Tea is something I simply adore doing with my girlfriends. So much so that one of my first articles for Forbes was about it. There’s just something so attractive with this dainty tradition that goes all the way back to the 1800s. It’s so feminine and quintessentially British.

With that said, let me walk you through this tradition based on what I’ve learned through experience as well as research. From its history and the modern-day adaptation that was started by the Mrs. Caroline Astor of the St. Regis in New York.

Afternoon Tea or High Tea?

No. They are most definitely not the same. It’s actually a pet peeve of mine when a cafe or restaurant calls their afternoon tea offering ‘high tea’. I believe they’re contributing to the confusion and I simply just expect more from people who profit from the tradition.

Afternoon tea is held between 15:00-17:00 and is served on a low coffee table. It’s not meant to replace dinner. Rather, it’s something to fill the gap between lunch and dinner which, at the time the tradition started, was served at around 20:00. It’s similar to the concept of merienda but a bit more posh. Anna, the 7th Duchess of Bedford began the tradition in 1840 as merely a meal to tide her over the long hours but later became a social event when she started inviting her friends over.

High tea, on the other hand, is a meal served at around 18:00 for the “servants or the lower class”. Quite elitist if you ask me but this is the 1800s we’re talking about. It’s eaten at a dining table which is where it gets its name. The food served is actually heavy, making it similar to a full-on dinner. However, since they will be serving the aristocrats a few hours later, they’d have to eat earlier. These days, the term is appropriately used as a replacement for ‘early dinner’.

What to wear?

My dear friend Arpita and I (who’s also a co-founder for The Binge) back in 2016 at the Ritz-Carlton KL, having afternoon tea

Duchess Anna would have been in her prettiest of dresses back in the day to impress her friends. But it’s 2018 and a smart casual dress code is now accepted. Do note that sportswear, as well as sneakers, should never find themselves in this setting.

Eating in the right order

Savouries, scones, and sweets. That’s how it should be. These treats, often served in a tiered serving tray, would often be arranged in a way that the savouries are at the bottom tier, followed by the scones in the middle, and the pastries or mini desserts are on the top. It’s easy enough that way as you just have to work your way up. In the event that they are not served in a tiered stand, the same order applies.

Finger sandwiches should have their crusts cut off and served in the shape of either triangles or rectangles. They should also be eaten using your hands. The sweets, meanwhile, should be chosen carefully. Mrs Astor prefers them ‘dainty as well as mess-free’ and eaten with your cutlery.

The scone debates: The proper ways to pronounce and eat this baked treat

Let’s give some proper attention to this age-old debate. Is it ‘skon’ or ‘skoan’? Most British people prefer to pronounce it as ‘skon’ (rhymes with ‘gone’). We’re talking 51% of the population here. However, there’s also a hefty 42% who go for the ‘skoan’ (rhymes with ‘cone’).

For the record, Mrs Astor prefers ‘skon’. I’m pretty sure Duchess Ana also went with the same pronunciation as Bedford is in an area where people tend to say it the same way Mrs Astor did. So, while saying ‘skoan‘ seems more sensible due to the spelling, you may want to go with ‘skon‘ if you’re looking for historical accuracy.

Scones are also meant to be broken in the middle using your (clean) hands. A well-made scone should easily break apart in the middle. However, should you wish to use a knife, you should cut through the scone’s middle section horizontally. You can see this in action on Netflix’ The Crown (Season 2). Claire Foy, who plays Queen Elizabeth II, cut her scone with a knife during her afternoon tea with Jackie Kennedy (Jodi Balfour) at Windsor Castle.

Which goes first? Jam or cream?

This is also another contentious issue in this great island nation. The good thing though is that there is no right or wrong way – unless you’re from Cornwall or Devonshire.

The Cornish prefer jam first while those from Devon swear by going for the cream first. The only rule you should be strict at following, however, is that you should be using clotted cream. No exceptions.

Oh, and for the love of God, do not eat it as a sandwich. Each half should be eaten separately.

Drinking your tea

Cups should only be filled up to two-thirds of its capacity to avoid spillage. You can always get topped up anyways.

Stirring doesn’t have to mean swirling. Stir the milk in using back and forth motions without hitting the sides of the cup and making unnecessary noise. When you’re done with your teaspoon, lightly flick it right above the cup’s opening. Then, place it on your saucer behind your cup.

While we’re at it, let’s clear up another issue: Milk should never ever be added first. It can break your precious china!

If there’s still some spillage, ask for a fresh saucer and a paper napkin (do not use your cloth napkin under any circumstance for this). The paper napkin should be used to soak the spilled tea then taken away with the dirty saucer.

Pinky in or out?

Contrary to popular belief, the pinky should never be out. Rather, a tea cup must be held through the handle using your thumb and forefinger. All other fingers should gently curve back towards the wrist.

The napkin guide

Napkins should be picked up and unfolded on your lap – never over the table. At places that serve proper afternoon tea, the servers would normally do this for you. In more casual settings, you can go ahead and do this by yourself.

For a bigger napkin (dinner napkin size), fold it in half with the fold towards your body. A lunch or tea napkin (smaller size) may be opened completely. Set it on the middle of your lap. Use the corners of the napkin to discreetly blot the corners of your mouth during the meal. Never wipe or use it as a handkerchief.

If you need to excuse yourself for a bit, place your napkin on the arm of your chair, on the left side. If your seat doesn’t have an arm, place the napkin it on its left. Never leave your napkin on the table during the meal. You can only put it on the left side of your plate once you’re fully done.

Afternoon tea no-nos

Sometimes, the sweets plate may include some cookies. While I’m a huge fan of the Filipino way of dunking pan de sal (a kind of soft bread) into coffee during breakfasts at home with the family, this similar concept cannot be replicated for the afternoon tea. Cultures can be tricky and what’s accepted or is considered a tradition for one, maybe rude for another.

There is also no acceptable excuse for slurping your tea. For some countries in Asia like Japan and China, slurping noodles and soup is a sign that you’re enjoying your meal. Again, this is one of those things where cultures see differently. I would, on any day, slurp my ramen to give me compliments to a chef but will not do it during afternoon tea. Just always be aware of where you are and what you’re eating or drinking.

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Thanks so much for dropping by my side of the internet! Will be writing more etiquette posts soon. As you know, this is something I am very passionate about.

Thank you for the continued support to this website of mine. Really love you guys for that.

Love,

Carol